Toast Rack Ode
Toast Rack Ode
by
Marisa Marsey
There’s been much ballyhoo o’er the centuries-old toast rack
Comments across the pond – and blogosphere – too numerous to track
Seems this quirky and quaint bit of British frippery
Famed for keeping toast from getting soggy and slippery
Inflames passions in many both con and pro
Heated enough to char loaves, even those of sourdough
But perhaps what it needs most, this lil’ ol’ toast rack,
Is nothing more than a good PR flack
For its name sounds like a device of torture,
Wielded by malevolent lords in ancient Yorkshire
But spin it as an objet d’art, not schlock
Something they’ll swallow, any kind of crock
Tout its multi-tasking nature, be an improviser,
Use it as a mail sorter or CD divider
A place to splay fingers and toes when drying nail polish
Not just for breakfast with the upper crust of Dawlish
Indeed, it engages so many parts of our lives
I’ve got it – it should also be a place to store knives
And give it a look of more modernity
So it won’t wind up clogging a landfill for all eternity
The toast rack of the future should be more than a throwback
Like watching reruns of I Love Lucy or Kojak
Make it “green” as well as sexy and sleek
It really shouldn’t take more than a tweak
But if the major grouse be just that your slice gets cold (such a bore!)
Slip it under a heat lamp, haven’t they got them at The Grosvenor?
Now, let’s ask those among us who’ll throw the first stone
Perhaps this ado just proves man does not live by bread – or toast rack – alone.